In a bracing piece in The Nation, Sharon Lerner explores, with her usual clarity, why it is that primary prevention--simple birth control--now seems so devalued. Read, scratch your head, and be concerned. Sigh.

Alma Powell, a well-known advocate for youth, opened a grand dinner at the Newseum this week, the U.S. Capitol illuminated behind her, by asking a simple question: "And how are the children?"

It was an appropriate salutation, delivered to reporters about to receive awards for writing and broadcasting about disadvantaged children and families.

Powell explained that the greeting is used by Masai warriors in Africa as they pass each other on the road. It is their version of "How are you?" --a reminder that an individual is only as good as her or his child, a community only as good as its children.

It occurred to me that night that those who counsel teens and 20-somethings about sex and contraception are trying to convey something similar. One argument they make for using contraception consistently goes something like this: "Think about the baby you might have if you don't. What kind of a life will she or he have?"

So, not how are the children, but how will they be?

They get the fact that having a baby might muck up their plans for school or getting a job. But can we truly expect them to consider the impact of their carelessness on someone who isn't born yet?

More to the point, how well have we modeled the restraint we expect from them? How consistently do we put the needs of others ahead of our own, as we ask them to do?

Dr. Robert Blum, a Baltimore physician and psychologist who specializes in adolescent development, says by the time young people reach their twenties they are "absolutely" capable of "perspective-taking", jargon for putting themselves in the shoes of someone else. In his opinion, we should be reminding young people about the responsibilities attached to bringing an infant into the world.

I agree with him. But think about the messages we've already sent. We push young people to finish high school and college because they'll make more money, not because it will equip them to make a positive difference in the world. One such mother I know was explicit in her priorities, pasting a newspaper headline on the desks of her two daughters: "The more you learn, the more you earn."

I don't believe for a second that she meant her girls shouldn't be mindful of others. But by not emphasizing altruism with the same fervor she did money, she in fact diminished it.

We ask young people to remember, as they become sexually active, that what they do has consequences beyond today and beyond themselves. In fact, we don't do well at that. Exhibit A: our borrowing and spending habits that helped usher in the recession.

In truth, my beef is more with my generation than theirs. Researchers have documented high levels of volunteer service among the young. As demonstrated by the millions who campaigned for Barack Obama, by those who take part in Teach for America, serve in the Peace Corps, the military and lots of non-profit organizations, young people are at least as civic-minded, if not more so, than we were when we were in our 20s.

Yet young women in their 20s have the highest rate of unplanned pregnancies of any age group: 7 out of every 10 pregnancies. Perhaps we can help them do better by looking at ourselves first.

(Note: Alma Powell chairs America's Promise Alliance, a partnership of corporations, nonprofits, faith-based organizations and advocacy groups focused on improving lives and changing outcomes for children. She spoke at an awards dinner for journalists co-sponsored by the Alliance, the Annie E. Casey Foundation and the Journalism Center for Children and Families at the University of Maryland. Laura Sessions Stepp sits on the advisory board of the Journalism Center.)

Sheldon J. Segal is no longer with us. Segal, 83, died October 17 at his home in Woods Hole, MA. Although his work helped millions of women all over the world, he labored and died in relative anonymity.

What gives?

Segal is credited with leading the team that developed the contraceptive implant Norplant. He was also instrumental in the development of the Mirena intrauterine device and copper-bearing IUDs. In other words, Segal played a critical role in what the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention calls one of the greatest public health achievements of the past 100 years---contraception.

You might have missed this news because the front page of several major newspapers featured other such absolutely essential fare as the fight for airplane overhead space (USA Today) and a new opus from Stephen King (Wall Street Journal).

What gives?

Rest in peace, Sheldon Segal, and thank you.

Why is it that some people are better listeners than others? You can tell when someone is listening to you--really listening--when they're actually taking in what you're saying, considering it, and perhaps not even having a response at the ready--not simply planning their next conversational move. Listening is a form of respect, and one that is easily mowed over by the desire to get one's own point across. Like a monologue masquerading as a dialogue.

Since October is "Let's Talk" month (see Bill Albert's post from earlier this month), maybe the added attention will get some parents to move from wanting to talk with their teens about love, sex and relationships to actually doing it. But a critical part of this conversation--and really any conversation with someone you care about--has to be the listening part. We've heard from teens for over a decade now that they are afraid to ask their parents about sex and contraception because they are convinced that mom or dad will freak out and assume that their teen is already 'doing it.' Or that it will be so embarrassing their heads will explode.

There is no script or 'right' conversation for every family. We have tips, brochures, and resources aplenty to help parents get the ball rolling, but ultimately it's your own views and values that will shape the first conversation with your teen about love and sex, and the (hopefully) many other conversations to come. Perhaps one way to teach our teens about respect in their romantic lives is to demonstrate it by really listening in our own conversations with them.

What do you think? Any stories to share about talking with your teens about sex? Helplful ideas for other parents? We want to hear from you.