With Billy Mays (R.I.P.) gone and that Shamwow creep lying low after felony battery charges, the path is clear for a new kind of pitchman - one that has no discernible talents and the screen presence of rock. That's right, folks - Levi Johnston is on the scene and he's using the last two seconds of his 15 minutes of fame to sell... nuts?

In a new spot for Wonderful Pistachio's "Get Crackin'" campaign, Johnston - the Alaska teen who fathered a son with Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol - approaches the camera as his ever-present bodyguard, Tank Jones, surveys the scene. Once Tank gives the "all clear" sign, Johnston cracks open and eats a pistachio as the voiceover, nodding to the only reason anybody knows Johnston's name, says, "Now Levi Johnston does it with protection."

What do you think? Is the ad funny or is it making a joke out of a very serious situation? Can sexual innuendo about teenagers help you forget about last April's pistachio salmonella contamination recall or does it just make you feel even more sick to your stomach? Is there anything you would buy based on an endorsement from Levi Johnston? Post your comments below.

UPDATE: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson have called off their engagement and broken up.

Let's put aside all the hubbub that has surrounded this story since the beginning -- the Red State/Blue State sniping, the I-told-you-so's about abstinence-only education, the small-minded jabs about small-town residents, and the fairy tale fantasies about happily ever after -- and think about what happens to the vast majority of teen parents and their children:

At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their baby.   However, in 8 out of 10 cases, it doesn't happen.

This means the majority of children born to teens grow up separate from their fathers - which often leads to a lifetime of challenges and hardship.  Children who grow up in father-absent families are five times more likely to be poor than kids in two-parent families. They have double the risk of physical and emotional neglect and they are twice as likely to drop out of school. They are more likely to smoke, use drugs, and become obese. Boys have significantly higher odds of incarceration and girls are much more likely to become teen moms themselves.  Incidentally, the teen parents who do get married don't often stay married - marriages among teens are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is 25 or older.

Being a teenager is hard. Being a teenager with a broken heart is exceptionally hard. Being a teenager who is also a single parent is even harder than that. And being the child of that parent is probably the hardest thing of all.

So whether you are Team Bristol or one of those who hopes Levi lands his own reality show or someone who just wishes this story would go away already, say a prayer for young Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, who is not yet 3 months old, and keep in mind what Bristol herself has said, "I think everyone should just wait ten years. ... Because it's so much easier if you're married and if you have a house and a career. ... I hope that people learn from my story and ... prevent teen pregnancy."

Once again, we have a press-worthy pregnancy—17-year-old Bristol Palin. As one of my children used to say, "I have questions."

1. Why has this event not lead to a huge focus on the benefits of teens not getting pregnant in the first place? The best choice for teens is to delay sex (which apparently did not happen here), but the next best thing is to use contraception. Why is that not THE main topic? In my view, the plan that has been announced is LESS attractive—less desirable—than primary prevention.
   
   
2. Why is this pregnancy apparently okay—or at least off limits—just because a shotgun wedding is planned? Do we all really think that as long as teens get married there is no problem? Is that the best we can do?
   
   
3. Why is no one talking about the putative father who himself says he is not interested in kids? Babies and children need devoted fathers. Do we have one in the making here? When both parents actively seek and welcome a pregnancy, the future prospects of their children are much enhanced.
   

Forget for a moment all the important topics churned up by the Palin pregnancy story (topics like reproductive freedom, abstinence-only education, the family turmoil that often comes from too-early parenthood, the idea of teen marriage, the impact this may or may not have on voters and the GOP ticket, and oh, the future that awaits this and the other 400,000+ babies who will be born to teen moms this year) and think for a moment about poor Bristol Palin whose life as she knows it is pretty much over.

Not only has her mom had to publicly address her personal life (as a former teenage girl I cringe at the memory of my own mother discussing anything having to do with my social life) but pretty much everyone else in the country is talking about it too. She's going to marry her high school boyfriend (whose MySpace page reportedly said he doesn't want kids). She has to become a parent, to a living, breathing, human being who may indeed give her unconditional love but who will certainly require that same unconditional love by his or her parents. And she'll do it all in the public eye.

Like it or not Bristol Palin is now the poster child for teen pregnancy in the U.S. Jamie Lynn's a mother now, those Gloucester girls likely didn't have a pact at all, and Juno MacGuff is so last year. So now it's Bristol. And if there's a bright side to all this it's that it's now getting harder and harder to say that teen pregnancy happens to other people, to people from bad families, to people in poverty, to people in Hollywood, to people who live in public housing (although the Alaska governor's residence probably qualifies on a technicality), to people who aren't "like me."

Because teen pregnancy can happen to anyone (anyone having sex as a teenager that is).  It happens to nearly one-third of American girls (and those girls aren't pregnant by themselves). And it is totally preventable—either don't have sex or use protection consistently and carefully every single time. Which is actually the most important topic of all.