With Billy Mays (R.I.P.) gone and that Shamwow creep lying low after felony battery charges, the path is clear for a new kind of pitchman - one that has no discernible talents and the screen presence of rock. That's right, folks - Levi Johnston is on the scene and he's using the last two seconds of his 15 minutes of fame to sell... nuts?

In a new spot for Wonderful Pistachio's "Get Crackin'" campaign, Johnston - the Alaska teen who fathered a son with Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol - approaches the camera as his ever-present bodyguard, Tank Jones, surveys the scene. Once Tank gives the "all clear" sign, Johnston cracks open and eats a pistachio as the voiceover, nodding to the only reason anybody knows Johnston's name, says, "Now Levi Johnston does it with protection."

What do you think? Is the ad funny or is it making a joke out of a very serious situation? Can sexual innuendo about teenagers help you forget about last April's pistachio salmonella contamination recall or does it just make you feel even more sick to your stomach? Is there anything you would buy based on an endorsement from Levi Johnston? Post your comments below.

UPDATE: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson have called off their engagement and broken up.

Let's put aside all the hubbub that has surrounded this story since the beginning -- the Red State/Blue State sniping, the I-told-you-so's about abstinence-only education, the small-minded jabs about small-town residents, and the fairy tale fantasies about happily ever after -- and think about what happens to the vast majority of teen parents and their children:

At the time of their child's birth, more than half of unmarried teen mothers say they are either "certain" or chances are "good" they will marry the biological father of their baby.   However, in 8 out of 10 cases, it doesn't happen.

This means the majority of children born to teens grow up separate from their fathers - which often leads to a lifetime of challenges and hardship.  Children who grow up in father-absent families are five times more likely to be poor than kids in two-parent families. They have double the risk of physical and emotional neglect and they are twice as likely to drop out of school. They are more likely to smoke, use drugs, and become obese. Boys have significantly higher odds of incarceration and girls are much more likely to become teen moms themselves.  Incidentally, the teen parents who do get married don't often stay married - marriages among teens are twice as likely to fail as marriages in which the woman is 25 or older.

Being a teenager is hard. Being a teenager with a broken heart is exceptionally hard. Being a teenager who is also a single parent is even harder than that. And being the child of that parent is probably the hardest thing of all.

So whether you are Team Bristol or one of those who hopes Levi lands his own reality show or someone who just wishes this story would go away already, say a prayer for young Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, who is not yet 3 months old, and keep in mind what Bristol herself has said, "I think everyone should just wait ten years. ... Because it's so much easier if you're married and if you have a house and a career. ... I hope that people learn from my story and ... prevent teen pregnancy."

I come to praise Sarah Palin, not to bury her. 

As part of her post-election media tour, Governor Palin appeared on CNN's Larry "Older Than Moses" King Show.  When asked about her pregnant teenage daughter Bristol,  Palin had this to say:

"You know, I looked at her and thought---and I thought, Bristol, honey, you're going to have to grow up really fast...She's going to make a great mom.  And she---she is very strong.  She's going to be just fine.   

But Bristol has an opportunity at this point also to reach out to other young American women and let them know that these are absolutely less than ideal circumstances that she or any other unwed teenage mother are in.  And it is not something to glamorize.  It's not something to condone, if you will.  Bristol has an opportunity to reach out to other young mothers and help them and, hopefully, not see such a prevalence, also, of unwed teenage mothers.  The rates are too high." 

Although we all might quibble with the exact language the Governor used --- and I'm sure most of us wish she had made this sort of statement earlier in the Campaign (see this op-ed from our friend Saul Hoffman) --- nonetheless, this strikes me as a strong and important statement from a leading R.

As a person of faith, I can't help but snicker every time something makes me remember how utterly confused God-fearing people get about issues of sex and pregnancy.  From "Jesus Camp" (a variation of which I proudly attended) to purity balls (which I proudly did NOT attend) to married people sex-a-thons, I count myself among the young people in this country who received mixed, and sometimes conflicting, messages about sex for the first 18 years of my life.

Margaret Talbot at The New Yorker sums up my childhood pretty well in her recent article, "Red Sex, Blue Sex."  Despite the discomfort that pious parents and their children experience when it comes to trying to understand their sexuality (and in some cases, trying to convince them that it's not even there until their wedding night), one strange phenomenon is that we are supposed to be excited when a baby results from this otherwise banned activity.

Amy Schalet is an assistant professor of socilogy at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.  In an op-ed piece today in The Washington Post entitled; "A Question for Sarah Palin,"  Schalet discusses the importance of talking to teens about sex and contraception and the critically important role that parents can and should play in helping their children make good choices about sex.  She correctly notes that teen pregnancy is not inevitable but notes with concern the recent rise in the teen birth rate.

Right on.  Amen Amy.  I'm with you.

Schalet goes on to suggest that the United States might learn some valuable lessons in preventing teen pregnancy from the Dutch.  Citing her own research, she suggests that a majority of Dutch parents are willing to permit their older teen children who are in committed relationships to spend the night together in their parents' homes, "but only when they see that they have formed a loving relationship, feel ready for sex, and understand how to use contraception responsibily."  Schalet notes, "by accepting teen sexuality within these parameters, Dutch parents can stay involved, monitor relationships, and urge proper contraceptive use."

Huh? Amy, you lost me in the Netherlands.

Forget for a moment all the important topics churned up by the Palin pregnancy story (topics like reproductive freedom, abstinence-only education, the family turmoil that often comes from too-early parenthood, the idea of teen marriage, the impact this may or may not have on voters and the GOP ticket, and oh, the future that awaits this and the other 400,000+ babies who will be born to teen moms this year) and think for a moment about poor Bristol Palin whose life as she knows it is pretty much over.

Not only has her mom had to publicly address her personal life (as a former teenage girl I cringe at the memory of my own mother discussing anything having to do with my social life) but pretty much everyone else in the country is talking about it too. She's going to marry her high school boyfriend (whose MySpace page reportedly said he doesn't want kids). She has to become a parent, to a living, breathing, human being who may indeed give her unconditional love but who will certainly require that same unconditional love by his or her parents. And she'll do it all in the public eye.

Like it or not Bristol Palin is now the poster child for teen pregnancy in the U.S. Jamie Lynn's a mother now, those Gloucester girls likely didn't have a pact at all, and Juno MacGuff is so last year. So now it's Bristol. And if there's a bright side to all this it's that it's now getting harder and harder to say that teen pregnancy happens to other people, to people from bad families, to people in poverty, to people in Hollywood, to people who live in public housing (although the Alaska governor's residence probably qualifies on a technicality), to people who aren't "like me."

Because teen pregnancy can happen to anyone (anyone having sex as a teenager that is).  It happens to nearly one-third of American girls (and those girls aren't pregnant by themselves). And it is totally preventable—either don't have sex or use protection consistently and carefully every single time. Which is actually the most important topic of all.

On Day 2 of Bristol Baby Watch '08, we at the Campaign have collected some (we think) important resources....

First and foremost, our fearless leader Sarah Brown on this morning's Today Show:

Next up, info galore!  Click here for our one-stop-shop of fact sheets and resources related to teen pregnancy and Bristol Palin.