I had the great good fortune to attend yesterday's White House event during which President Obama spoke movingly of the critical role that a father plays in the lives of his children and the important support and companionship a father offers to his children's mother.  He spoke, as always, with a deep authenticity and commitment that were palpable, and all of us were touched by his message and by his own personal story, which made him a most compelling messenger.  Many in the room were leaders of the fatherhood field -- men who run programs, do related research, exhort their peers to see fatherhood as a privilege as well as a responsibility, and others leaders, too. 
 
I asked myself repeatedly what the connection was between my 40+  year interest in pregnancy planning and prevention, and the remarkable collection of people in the East Room.  The answer, I hope, is obvious, and it is simply that children are more likely to have present, engaged fathers when pregnancy is undertaken deliberately and  is based on a commitment between the two parties to each other and to the decades required to raise a child in this complex society.  I actually think this connection is quite obvious, although  yesterday no one mentioned the importance of exercising great care in becoming a father in the first place.  Understandably, the main emphasis was being the best dad you can be to the children you already have.
 
Interestingly, no attention was given to why so many children are growing up without a father actively involved in their lives.  Consider for example the fact that almost 40 percent of births are now to unmarried women; for babies born to women 20 to 24, the percentage is 60. Now it is true that some of these unmarried mothers will marry the fathers of these children  --  perhaps after several years of living together -- but that is often not the case and these children often spend some or all of their growing up years in father-absent homes. I wonder how many national leaders will talk about this particular challenge when the Father's Day speeches crank up to fever pitch this Sunday.
 
I mentioned this to a reporter last week -- that advocates of father involvement  rarely address non-marital child-bearing -- and he said, "I never really thought about that..."   But I think President Obama has. And I think the rest of us should too.  Are fathers just nice if they happen to be around?  Or should we tell the truth, as the President did today, which is that children can make it without fathers (he being the shining example), but that the preferred scenario is committed parents raising children together.  And one of the best ways to move in that direction is to ask both men and women to think hard about starting  a family -- when, with whom and under what circumstances.
 
So, my one friendly suggestion to the Administration as it embarks on a national conversation about responsible fatherhood and healthy families is to include explicit attention to pregnancy planning and prevention. This entails personal responsibility on the part of men and women (along with responsible policies on the part of the public and private sector), which in turn will contribute to less non-marital childbearing, a greater chance that children will grow up with  present and involved fathers, and stronger families.

Sunday is father's day. A day society sets aside to honor our own fathers, and the fathers of our children. But one other generation of fathers is not getting enough attention--the fathers our sons will become (or not become). As of 2002, roughly 70 percent of young men had sex by age 19 even though less than a third are likely to be married by the time they reach 30. That's a lot of years to be careful about not getting pregnant until he's ready to be a dad. Most single guys in their early 20s are using some form of protection (85%), but that leaves 15% using nothing at all. And of those who say they use a condom only about one third say they use it every time.

The result? Among 15 to 24 year olds, 20% have already fathered a pregnancy, with roughly half being unplanned and most being outside of marriage (and that doesn't even count the pregnancies they don't know about).

My point? While we're busy reminding our sons to send a nice card or call their dads on father's day, let's take the opportunity to talk to our sons--remind them that being a dad is hard work, life changing even, and something that should wait until two people are committed to each other and to parenthood for the long haul. And that means being responsible in their relationships. It's one of the best ways to honor how awesome dads can be.