I don't know how I've not seen these books before now, but I was just introduced to Robie H. Harris'  children's books on all things sex and sexuality and I'm in love.  It's Not the Stork is intended for those ages four and up, It's So Amazing is for ages seven and up, and It's Perfectly Normal is for those ten and up.  Supported by the fact that one of my colleagues admitted she just learned from the Stork book that a sperm's tail falls off when it enters an egg, I think it's safe to say there really is no age cap on that "...and up" part.

Harris and illustrator Michael Emberley (whose father just so happened to write the thumbprint drawing book I obsessed over as a child, but I digress) have produced age-appropriate books that cover all those things that kids are curious about and that adults often have a hard time finding the words to discuss. The littlest kids can learn the basics about body parts and what makes a family and the difference between good and bad touches and how babies grow in the womb, just to name a few of the topics.  The book for the oldest age group talks about those topics more in depth as well as puberty, masterbation, contraception, STIs, and planning pregnancy.  And when the 15th annivesray edition of It's Perfectly Normal comes out this fall (don't worry, we'll remind you when that happens), apparently there will also be new information about topics such as Internet usage and safety and the HPV vaccine.

In addition to how refreshingly straight forward and honest these books are, one of other things that strikes me the most is that the they show all kinds of people.  And I don't just mean racial diversity.  There are also different body types and sizes and ages.  Some have saggy boobs.  Some are hairier than others.  In other words, they show real people and that's really refreshing.

I'll be buying these books ASAP for my nieces and suggest you pick up copies, too, if you want to help the young people -- or not so young people -- in your life learn more about the birds and the bees.

Normally, I would preface this with an explanatory statement, conveying the seriousness with which we approach our work (especially in the policy realm). But sometimes, you just have to stop and smell the roses. And by "smell the roses," I mean "laugh 'til it hurts at Stephen Colbert."

Yesterday on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra interviewed Eric and Lauren, a couple who waited until they got married to have sex. After two years of marriage they are still virgins because Lauren freaks out every time they attempt to have sex. Click here to watch a clip of the interview and see what Jezebel had to say about it.

I don't know if religion played a part in their decision to wait to have sex. But as a card-carrying member of the Christian community I can tell you that I have heard this story before. It goes like this: boy meets girl, they fall in love, and because they are "good Christians" they wait to have sex until they get married, and then after the wedding sex is a huge obstacle for the woman. Why, might you ask? Because a ring and a marriage certificate do not erase years of being told: "Sex is bad. Don't do it, and as a Christian girl, with no sexuality of your own, it's your job to play defense because boys can't control themselves." I'm not saying that abstinence until marriage is a bad thing. But in my opinion, teaching women to fear sex and their own sexuality is emotionally and spiritually damaging.

The church teaches so many good things about relationships: love, respect, commitment, compromise, communication, and self-sacrifice. But I think it can do a better job of talking about sex and sexuality.

Polls suggest that teens feel that girls receive different messages than boys about sexuality. Do you think your church (if you have one) sends different messages to girls and boys?

Do you think churches should change the way they teach about sexuality?

How about that Super Bowl huh? Definitely one of the five best SBs of all time don't you think? The nation now faces our APOG (Annual Period of Gloom) as the long, empty, sports-less days extend before us as far as the eye can see. (Hockey and non-playoff NBA action don't count and I simply will not abide arguments to the contrary. Sure, NCAA b-ball is great but thin gruel for the long winter months to be sure.) The light at the end of the tunnel is a distant one—the dulcet tones of "play ball" that will ring from major league ballparks in April. Tom Boswell was right; time does begin on Opening Day.

But I digress. Truth is I will do nearly anything to avoid getting back into the nation's most tiresome non-debate that pits abstinence versus contraception. Snooze. But back in I must...

Yet another survey—this one conducted for the National Women's Law Center and the YWCA USA by our friends at Public Strategies, Inc.—underscores that the American public wants teens to be encouraged to delay sexual activity and to be given information about contraception. Not either/or. The NWLC/YWCA survey notes that 76% of Independents and 62% of Republicans believe the government should support sex education programs that include information about abstinence and contraception. Not either/or.

Friend's here's my simple point. There really is precious little disagreement among the American public about abstinence, contraception, and what teens should be taught. Liberals, conservatives, Obamaists, parents of teens, old folks, Welsh cardigan corgis, teens themselves, all agree—in one public opinion poll after another—that teens should be encouraged to delay sex and be provided with information about contraception. Not either/or.

Simple right? What am I missing? I am, as always, waiting to be enlightened.

Flying home on Virgin America from San Francisco this week I took in an episode of MTV's "Sex with Mom and Dad" on the in-flight entertainment system.  While I was prepared to be entertained, I was not expecting to be as engaged as I was by Dr. Drew Pinsky's moderation of the parent-kid talk.

TV critic Brittany Doctor says in her review that, "Sex" is an enlightening show. It's a shock to see how little many teens around the country know about the dangers of unprotected sex, as demonstrated in episode five when Tiara revealed that she didn't know that she could get pregnant or infected even if her boyfriend "pulled out."  Exactly...except I wouldn't limit the commentary to teens--as you'll see for yourself.

The bottom line in all of the wide-ranging episodes is that parent-child communication is so very important.  And the age of the participants doesn't matter.  Talking about and planning for your most important moments makes sense.  "Sex with Mom and Dad" takes a step in the direction of making the conversation easier.

Laura Beil---a terrific reporter who has written repeatedly and skillfully about teen pregnancy and related issues---has a piece on abstinence education in the current issue of Newsweek.  

The piece delves into the abstinence education debate aplenty but it was the following passage that really captured my attention:

The vast majority of public-health experts, however, seldom discuss sex education and marriage in the same sentence. They gauge success by pregnancies prevented, germs not contracted, and kids who enter adulthood with a healthy view of sexuality. The public-health community views a wait-until-marriage message as blind to the world most teens inhabit. The average age of matrimony has steadily climbed, and is now past age 25. (Which is probably why 95 percent of Americans don't walk down the aisle as virgins.)

So what about it?  Should discussions of relationships and marriage have a more prominent role in sex education? Discuss  and decide.

Click the image for a non-Leo obstructed version of the Parade article

Parade is read by almost every living, breathing human being in the United States.  Or close to it.  Still, many of you may have been so distracted by the cover treatment on dishy Leonardo DiCaprio that you failed to note a story on teen pregnancy inside the magazine.

Specifically, the brief story highlights the recent increase in the teen birth rate and wonders why rates of early pregnancy and childbearing in the United States are so out of kilter compared to other countries.  The article also discusses the effectiveness of abstinence programs.

Take Action (Make your own whooping siren sound here and then explain to your colleagues, co-workers, friends and family why you are making such a ruckus.)  Parade is asking readers the following question: "Should abstinence-only sex ed continue?"  Let them know what you think by voting here.   The results of the online poll will be published in an upcoming issue of Parade.

Although the National Campaign is not focused intensely on sex education, I am often asked what I think should be taught and when and by whom and under what circumstances, and usually I find ways to refer people to our website, where our "Ten Tips for Parents" appear, along with much else about effective curricula and more. But I am beginning to think that we need a new list—or perhaps an additional list—of topics to discuss with young people as well as among ourselves.

Here is the way I think about it. This nation has been engulfed for years in a series of arguments that touch on sex, love, and relationships—a partial list includes abortion, abstinence-only curricula versus comprehensive sex education, parental consent, and birth control clinics in schools. There are more, too, but those are the biggies.

But I think that while we have all been arguing about such matters, a number of simple, basic ideas has fallen by the wayside. When I speak about them—see list below—people often write them down or ask me to "go slower" so that they don't miss any. Sometimes they are treated like news, even though I would imagine my grandmother might have laid them out quite easily. So, here is my list of topics we need to discuss with teens, in particular, although many apply to young adults as well.

Aunt Sarah's List

1. Sex has risks, meaning and consequences.  Take it seriously....
2. A couple shouldn't have sex if they can't talk about birth control and what they will do if pregnancy occurs. 
3. Girls: Sex won't make him yours and a baby won't make him stay.
4. Boys: Making babies doesn't make you a man.  Being a devoted partner and father can....
5. Babies need adult parents.
6. Babies don't cement relationships; they stress them.
7. Babies don't give unconditional love; they seek and demand it from the adults around them.
8. Children do best when they are raised by parents who are committed to each other and to years of devoted parenting.
9. Getting pregnant, having babies, and raising children is perhaps the most important thing we do (and it also costs a lot).  Therefore, it needs to be thought about carefully, not stumbled into.  We plan many relatively unimportant things all the time: vacations, outfits, dinner, presents, what movie to see....  Doesn't pregnancy deserve at least the same amount of planning?

Campaign CEO Sarah Brown and others guests appeared on NPR's Diane Rehm Show yesterday (CNN pooh bah and all-around-good-egg Frank Sesno was the guest host) for lively discussion of the state of sex education in the United States. 

The one-hour program also featured:

• Valerie Huber, executive director, National Abstinence Education Association
• Debra Hauser, executive vice president, Advocates for Youth
• Stan Weed, director and CEO, Institute for Research and Evaluation
• Douglas Kirby, senior research scientist, Education, Training and Research Associates

To listen in Real Audio move your mouse and click here.

To listen in Windows Media Player make that mouse click here.

Just published: A special issue of the journal Sexuality Research & Social Policy focusing on abstinence education.  Read all about it here.

Sue Johanson, the 78-year-old sex educator who (sadly) retired last May from her Oxygen television show, "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson," was interviewed this week on NPR's Wisdom Watch, where they ask respected elders to help guide us through today's challenging issues. In addition to noting that some of her assets as a sex educator are being "long in the tooth" and not having "bodacious ta ta's," she also said the following when asked her opinion about abstinence-only education:

Every, single sex educator does emphasize abstinence: 'Please do not have sex.' Now I will never say, 'not until you are married.' I will say, 'Please do not have sex until you know what you're doing, you like your own body, you can think ahead, plan ahead, get a good method of birth control, never let sex just happen, and be able to talk about it with your partner. That's the stumbling block right there. To be able to say to your partner, 'Are we gonna do it? 'Cause if we are, we're gonna use condoms, right? This is not a choice. No condom, no sex. That's it. Game over. Forget it.'

So, let's see if I have this right: teen pregnancy is okay—"beautiful," in fact—as long as no abortion occurs and as long as there is a shotgun marriage. In addition, becoming a parent at 17 or 18 is preferable to a bit of accurate sex education and preferable to using birth control.

A full seven years ago, E.J. Dionne wrote, "It's better for unmarried teens to avoid premature sex than to use contraception, but it's better to use contraception than to get pregnant." I guess the revision we are asked to swallow is, "It's better to get married as a teen than to use contraception," even though 60% of teen marriages fail, and 80% do when the bride is pregnant.

A recent poll released by the Monmouth University Polling Institute details the views of New Jersey residents on sex and society...in other words, their thoughts on sex ed, the influence of the media, etc.  A lot of the info in the release was unsurprising; what got me poised to blog, however, was one chart that indicated that 82% of "other parents" felt that middle school was the time to begin sex ed.  Here's the chart in all its mathy glory:

Source:  Monmouth University/Gannett New Jersey Poll.  For more information: Monmouth University Polling Institute, West Long Branch, NJ 07764, www.monmouth.edu/polling

This is fantastic.  The idea that the majority of parents in this community see a place for sex education in schools is a wonderful step in the right direction.  But I have to wonder - how many of that 82% have already broached the subject of sex with their children?  The National Campaign regularly tells parents that the "Talk" isn't a one shot deal...it should be a series of conversations worked into appropriate moments in your child's life.  So while I congratulate the parents of New Jersey for recognizing that kids as young as 5th grade need and want age-appropriate guidance about sex, love, and relationships, I have to wonder - have you been practicing what you preach?

Get some great tips for talking to your kids in our Parents Portal. 

Get the polling data here.

A new battle front in the culture wars has opened.  The issue is ICK -- in this case, some arguably salacious material in a sex ed curriculum. 

Here are a few thoughts: advocates on all sides of the sex ed battles have found sections in various curricula that they dislike.  As a general matter, the right dislikes sexually explicit content (the current flap) and the left routinely flags material that is medically inaccurate, homophobic and/or tied to religion.  It seems that almost anyone who sets foot into sex education offends at least someone.  It's tough terrain.    

So, what's a parent to do?  By all means review what your child's school plans to offer in sex ed 101.  If you find aspects of the curriculum that you don't like, consider having your child opt out of the class or perhaps just one session.  

But if you do so, keep in mind the following:

1. Some sex ed programs have been proven to help reduce the risk of teen pregnancy.  It is far better to have your child taught using an effective program than one lacking any evidence of good results.

2.  The overall popular culture that our children live in is very sexually explicit---and remember, it is on the watch of everyone reading this note that our culture has become what it is. Your children know and wonder about and hear tales of things that many of us old ones still don't get.  What makes you blush would hardly be noticed by the vast majority of teens.  Sorry.  It's the truth. 

3.  You are bound to find something that you do not agree with in any curriculum.  The question therefore is---on balance---does the curriculum seem right overall?  Does one disagreeable passage negate what might be 100 pages of positive material?  Analogy: Do you vote for a political candidate because you agree with him/her on every issue or just on most issues?

 4 . If you do remove your child from a class or curriculum, all that does is increase the burden on YOU to become a top flight sex educator.  Are you willing to do that?  To learn about the reality of teens' lives and the choices/pressures facing them, and then offer accurate, complete and compassionate advice?

Discuss.