I must admit that I have been a reluctant participant to blogging, but finally something caught my attention. Recently, I had two interactions with a shopping mall that revealed to me the younger generation's--albeit, misguided in my opinion--obsession with looking good. I am a child of the 60's, when mothers routinely reminded us to wear clean underwear and never to leave the house without a slip and girdle when wearing a dress. As an African-American, I was often told to be careful with the selection of the color of my lipstick, so that my lips would not be too pronounced. "The times they are a-changin'".

Yesterday on The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra interviewed Eric and Lauren, a couple who waited until they got married to have sex. After two years of marriage they are still virgins because Lauren freaks out every time they attempt to have sex. Click here to watch a clip of the interview and see what Jezebel had to say about it.

I don't know if religion played a part in their decision to wait to have sex. But as a card-carrying member of the Christian community I can tell you that I have heard this story before. It goes like this: boy meets girl, they fall in love, and because they are "good Christians" they wait to have sex until they get married, and then after the wedding sex is a huge obstacle for the woman. Why, might you ask? Because a ring and a marriage certificate do not erase years of being told: "Sex is bad. Don't do it, and as a Christian girl, with no sexuality of your own, it's your job to play defense because boys can't control themselves." I'm not saying that abstinence until marriage is a bad thing. But in my opinion, teaching women to fear sex and their own sexuality is emotionally and spiritually damaging.

The church teaches so many good things about relationships: love, respect, commitment, compromise, communication, and self-sacrifice. But I think it can do a better job of talking about sex and sexuality.

Polls suggest that teens feel that girls receive different messages than boys about sexuality. Do you think your church (if you have one) sends different messages to girls and boys?

Do you think churches should change the way they teach about sexuality?

In a post on community.feministing.com, Wendy Notsid starts by asking, what does sexual empowerment mean for women? For her it means to "not feel awkward to think and talk about sex ourselves, not afraid to look up information we need or take safety measures regarding sex, like buying condoms or birth control, or going to the Doctor about certain things."

Right on, Sister. That's certainly one characteristic of power. She says that she has been told--by other people her age, I presume--that she goes too far in her conversations. Which is both confounding and sad. Confounding because how could talking about the clitoris and masturbation be "going too far" but dancing in one's underwear in front of delighted frat boys not be? And sad because those of us who called ourselves feminists in the late 1960s fought hard so that women like Wendy could speak freely about sexuality without having to defend herself. (Her post has a notably defensive tone.)

It is difficult to figure out what sexual empowerment means when the culture screams all sex, all the time. As Kate wrote in response to Wendy, "If we've all accepted that everyone else is shagging all the time in a variety of positions and orifices, how do we come to terms with our own desires and drives?"

One sure way not to figure out our sexual selves is to assume that we must do what a man would do in any given situation. Not want to or can do what he would do--that's a different issue--but have to. Here's the way FlyBy expressed that in a comment on the post:

"Would a guy get up on stage at spring break flashing his dick and doing on-command sex acts with other men (even though he isn't gay) while women taped and yelled at him and then posted those videos all over the internet? How many men feel the need to become dick dancers in order to pay for college? Need I go on? Stay gold. That's what I say. Educate yourself. Protect yourself. Enjoy your sexuality on YOUR terms, not anyone else's."

So...what does sexual empowerment mean to you?