It's not every day that you come across something online that you think is truly different, useful and, even fun. The other day I came across a website, "Maria Talks," that I think meets this criteria. The site was created through funding from the Massachusetts government, and it operates in conjunction with the Massachusetts Sexual Health Hotline. As someone who has spent plenty of time searching the web for resources on sexual health and birth control, I think that this site stands out.

At The National Campaign, we often send the message that safe sexual practices among teens are best achieved through ongoing conversation and communication. First and foremost, teens themselves have told us their parents most influence their decisions about sex, and we have long asked parents to take the lead and start that open and ongoing conversation with their children.

Why is it that some people are better listeners than others? You can tell when someone is listening to you--really listening--when they're actually taking in what you're saying, considering it, and perhaps not even having a response at the ready--not simply planning their next conversational move. Listening is a form of respect, and one that is easily mowed over by the desire to get one's own point across. Like a monologue masquerading as a dialogue.

Since October is "Let's Talk" month (see Bill Albert's post from earlier this month), maybe the added attention will get some parents to move from wanting to talk with their teens about love, sex and relationships to actually doing it. But a critical part of this conversation--and really any conversation with someone you care about--has to be the listening part. We've heard from teens for over a decade now that they are afraid to ask their parents about sex and contraception because they are convinced that mom or dad will freak out and assume that their teen is already 'doing it.' Or that it will be so embarrassing their heads will explode.

If it's Tuesday, it must be Belgium. If it's October, it must be "Let's Talk" month.

This is the time of year when parents are poked and prodded to pontificate about sex. Specifically, October is the month that parents are--steady on friends--encouraged to talk to their kids about sex. Don't get me wrong, encouraging often-recalcitrant parents to talk to their kids about sex is the right thing to do. Still, it has always struck me as a classic case of putting the cart before the proverbial horse.

Why? My sense is that not a single parent in America will talk to their kids about sex if they believe that what they have to say will fall on deaf ears; if what they have to say will have absolutely no effect on their beloved offspring's decisions about sex.

It was the weirdest "talk" we had ever had.

My mother had always been very open and honest with me when I had questions about sex and relationships, but this just took the cake. So what was this strange piece of unsolicited advice I received as we drove through my high school boyfriend's neighborhood?

"I know you really love him, but don't marry him. It's okay to have sex with him if you think that's the right thing to do."

Maybe she saw the gleam in my angst-y, seventeen-year-old eyes as we drove past his house on the way home from school that day. Maybe she remembered what it was like to be a teenager in love. Maybe she and her sisters had visited a spirit guide on their annual girls' night out earlier that year who told her that her youngest daughter would marry before the age of 20 (true story). Whatever it was - and I'm assuming it's probably a combination of all three of these factors - this was a message she delivered with the same urgency and conviction as the information she had been giving me about my body and birth control, the realities of raising kids, and all the other important stuff for my entire life.

When I wrack my brain for examples the gold-standard in parenting, I don't often think about 80's metal bands.  In fact, I don't ever think of 80's metal bands as good examples of much beyond proper eyeliner application and why spandex is wrong in so many ways. 

But to my surprise, some of those ertwhile made up and spandexed out rockers are now parents - and pretty good ones by the sound of it. 

This morning, I came across an article penned by former GnR bassist and current dad of two girls (one 8 and one 11), Duff McKagen.  After learning that some of his daughter's classmastes were "joking around about sex", McKagen realized he had to have "The Talk" with his girls. 

Check out his blog post on Seattle Weekly, The Birds, the Bees, and My Daughters.  It's hilarious and - if you're a parent - will certainly make you realize that you're not the only one dealing with this!

A recent poll released by the Monmouth University Polling Institute details the views of New Jersey residents on sex and society...in other words, their thoughts on sex ed, the influence of the media, etc.  A lot of the info in the release was unsurprising; what got me poised to blog, however, was one chart that indicated that 82% of "other parents" felt that middle school was the time to begin sex ed.  Here's the chart in all its mathy glory:

Source:  Monmouth University/Gannett New Jersey Poll.  For more information: Monmouth University Polling Institute, West Long Branch, NJ 07764, www.monmouth.edu/polling

This is fantastic.  The idea that the majority of parents in this community see a place for sex education in schools is a wonderful step in the right direction.  But I have to wonder - how many of that 82% have already broached the subject of sex with their children?  The National Campaign regularly tells parents that the "Talk" isn't a one shot deal...it should be a series of conversations worked into appropriate moments in your child's life.  So while I congratulate the parents of New Jersey for recognizing that kids as young as 5th grade need and want age-appropriate guidance about sex, love, and relationships, I have to wonder - have you been practicing what you preach?

Get some great tips for talking to your kids in our Parents Portal. 

Get the polling data here.